Always Bet On Yourself

I lost my dad to a brain tumour when I was 18. I remember being 17, visiting hospitals after school and fantasizing to become a nurse to serve the sick as I was so grateful for the wonderful nurses at the Prince of Wales Hospital in Sydney. I remember wishing I could get married to anyone, just so I can say my father was at my wedding. I wished I did better at school so he would be more proud. I wish I could have a baby somehow, so he would get to hold my child, his grand-child. So many crazy thoughts during those hazy days of his brain surgery, chemo and gradual decline. Funny now looking back, I never did wish for him to be cured. Back then my paradigm didn’t consist of miracles.

My father’s death was in many ways new beginnings for me. His death led me to question the nature of life and death, spirit, God and purpose. It was the beginning of growing up and facing the world. It was the beginning of self-enquiry and self-discovery.

Yesterday as I was watching Brothers and Sisters, the Walker kids shared a piece of advice which the dead patriarch of the Walker family had for his kids. The advice was “Always bet on yourself”. It felt like something my dad would say to us. I believe spirit speaks to us in so many ways, in songs lyrics, through a random comment on the radio, from a cab driver. When Y and I see butterflies, we feel him close. This feels like a message for me and C as we set out this year, to follow in dad’s entrepreneurial footsteps.